“Might I,” quavered Mary, “might I have a bit of earth?”...“Earth!” he repeated. “What do you mean?”“To plant seeds in–to make things grow–to see them come alive,” Mary faltered. He gazed at her a moment and then passed his hand quickly over his eyes...“A bit of earth,” he said to himself, and Mary thought that somehow she must have reminded him of something. When he stopped and spoke to her his dark eyes looked almost soft and kind. “You can have as much earth as you want,” he said. “You remind me of some one else who loved the earth and things that grow. When you see a bit of earth you want," with something like a smile, “take it, child, and make it come alive.” “May I take it from anywhere–if it’s not wanted?”
Saturday, June 23, 2012
I simply cannot wait for this adoption to finalize. I desperately need all of these "professionals" to go away and leave my son and I alone! I am truly tired of them calling all the shots without truly thinking of Lil' Man first. Oh, you see, they THINK they are putting his best interests first, but they are doing so without putting his best interests in the context of his forever family. They are still in the "protect him from" mode when they really need to "protect him to" his family.
I am tired of my family's love and dedication to Lil' Man being used as blackmail each time they want me to NOT question them, their tactics, or their desire to medicate him unsuccessfully. If I hesitate or question, I am reminded in these words, "He is not really yours. You are not his legal guardian." Well, I may not be his legal guardian, but I AM his mom. When they make sudden decisions and create upheaval in his life, I am left to pick up the pieces and somehow try to put them back together. I am the only stability he has.
In truth, I am weary. My love for him does not waver...nor does my dedication. But as things keep falling apart and people keep slacking on their jobs, I become bitter and angry. I hate that sometimes I resent him for it. I feel like I have no options. I know what he needs therapeutically, but I am not permitted to do it...because of "them". And truly, he is the one who suffers the most. In truth, I have been praying all day that God softens my heart toward my son so that I can be the mom he needs me to be.
Monday, June 4, 2012
There are days that I am sure I can foster no longer. And it is not the children who are the problem. It's the adults that are so busy "protecting" the children, that they deny the children the experience of normal family and normal parenting.
Today, I just want to hide.